Hi there, my name is Eszter. I've been a personal trainer since 2015 and went through a series of ups and downs in my body weight throughout my life but never beyond being overweight. I was always able to keep it at bay. Then 2020 happened, and now I see things from a very different perspective. If you've known me for a while, but we haven't had the chance to catch up in the last 18 months, you'll be surprised. 2020 knocked me down hard. Let me rephrase that; I allowed 2020 to knock me down hard. My BMI is over 30, and I weigh just around 98kg on the day of writing these lines, but a few months ago, I was a few kilos above that magic 100kg. There is no easy way to go about this, but I had to look in the mirror and own that I was obese before taking the next step and starting something about it a few months ago. I am still obese, and I don't like it. But this post isn't about that journey. I'll probably write another one at some point on what lead me to get here and what I am doing to go back to the self I know is still in there. Or shall I say, the same self but upgraded with all that experience in between. This post is about all the little things that got me annoyed, frustrated, or straight-up stressed almost daily that directly or indirectly result from me being obese. You might ask why I needed to write these all down, let alone publish them. I have three main reasons:
So here we go. #1. Rolling Out of Bed in the Morning Yeah, literally. I used to wake up, almost jump up and go about my business. I could do that now too, but when I do, there's a chance I pull my hips, my abs or my back doing so. what I do instead is carefully roll onto my side so I can then sit up and put my feet down to the floor. #2. Having to Check My Lower Ab Scar in The Mirror I have a scar from an endometriosis surgery where a caesarean would be. I check it most days to see if it needs any attention. This may not make sense to some of you but imagine having to move your tummy out of the way to check out your surgery scar and not being able to see it still. So you stand close to the mirror to do that. Yeah, that sucks. #3. Knocking My Arms into Door Handles You know when your mind thinks you're a specific size, but you are different. This can happen both ways. I remember when I lost about 16kg in 10 months once, and I didn't realise how tiny I became for some time after. Have you ever seen a puppy go through a growth spurt and become super clumsy and cute because it thinks it can still fit into a smaller place like under the coffee table? So, this feels like that but painful. I keep having bruises on my forearms because of this. #4. Wiping My Undercarriage on the Loo If you have never experienced mobility limitations when you're finished with your #1 or #2, I hope you never have to. This was super embarrassing to admit to myself and annoyed the hell out of me. Eventually, I created strategies, but I think it's best not to have this problem. #5. Drying My Body After a Shower First, you need a bigger towel. I have always been a woman who loves a big towel. It feels good getting lost in it after a relaxing shower or bath. Right now, it would need to be the size of our curtains for it to feel the same. I am obviously exaggerating, but for a reason. Also, washing your back and drying it are also challenges. #6. Not Fitting into Chairs Public transport, restaurants, coffee shop and some places, even a park bench can become a challenge. If you can, you'll choose one that's not uncomfortable, but you don't really have a choice most times. This could be made better if business owners would consider people and not just their budget or design when purchasing furniture. Still, since I prefer to be smaller for other reasons, this point made it into the list. #7. Asthma and GERD I developed asthma when I was in my early 20s due to a pollen allergy I have. However, it's been super active for most of the last 18 months, even outside the pollen season. Some people can develop asthma because they are obese as well. Not fun. The two main links with GERD are stress and being overweight. I tick both of those boxes, and it indeed started sometime in 2020 during the first lockdown. I now have periods, sometimes a few days or a week, where I don't have symptoms, but it flares regularly. Also, my lung specialist told me that GERD and asthma are triggers for each other. Yay. #8. Joint Problems So, now that I've been strength training for a few months and working with a physio, my symptoms aren't as intense as they used to be, but my ankles, knees, hips, and back had all sorts of issues in the past year or so. Since I know what it's like to live without pain, I tell you it's not normal, and nobody should get used to it. #9. Acne, Acne Everywhere Now, while having acne isn't a direct result of being obese, the hormonal changes that come with having a much higher body fat percentage can increase the frequency and severity of the occurrence of acne. Especially when combined with an unhealthy diet. I had acne before, especially on specific days of the month, but only one or two and not every month either. I am not going to go into details, but that thing is just a nightmare. #10. Buying Clothes This was the first time in my life ever when I had to use Google to find bras and other clothing in my size. It's an inconvenience because most high street shops don't serve people beyond size XL or 16. Well, at least not in continental Europe for sure. You have to make an effort to find your size, and there is much less variety available. I learnt a while ago that if I don't feel comfortable in my clothes, I just feel stressed all the time. Not fun. #11. Boob Size I am putting this here because I prefer mine to be a lot smaller than it is now, and it comes with a host of experiences I never imagined. From the already mentioned buying a bra challenge to finding the proper support for training that doesn't cut into your back fat too much, and so on. I want my small but perky boobs back. #12. Putting on and Tying My Shoes I am a person who doesn't sit down to put on trousers, shoes or even tying shoelaces. I believe it helps keep my balance in check. If I can't do that, I still prefer leaning over and tying my shoes that way instead of sitting. My best bet is half-kneeling if I already have my uncomfortable pants on and want to tie my shoes. So my tummy doesn't end up pushing my stomach into my throat, which causes inevitable little vomit due to GERD. #13. Shower Gel If we just consider physics, my body's surface is bigger than when I was 70kg. So, it's only natural that it takes more shower gel to wash it properly than when I was 70kg. I bet I could find a geek friend or acquaintance who could do the Math. Anyhow, it just means I have to buy it more often. #14. It Costs MoreThis applies in many aspects, but here I mean financially. I need to buy more shower gel, more oversized clothes, not to mention the fitted bras and sports bras. Obviously, they need to use more material when sewing them, so it's only natural to cost more. I spend more money on the little things just because I am obese. #15. Confidence Whether or not I can present an assertive and confident self to the outside world, on the inside, a lot is going on every day. Often the little things make me feel bad about myself, sometimes remembering that I was able to run 3k in 15 minutes to get to places. Now, if I push myself and take a super long walk, 10+km, my body hurts. It could be a sad position, but I still feel lucky that I know what it's like not to be obese, which spurs me on. ConclusionThere are a variety of reasons I think being obese is a bad idea. I've always known about the health and physiological risks as a fitness professional. Still, if I'm honest, I could never truly understand the struggles it may cause to people.
I now have a whole new experience and perspective on how it can affect one's life. I am lucky to have that other perspective of the strong and lean woman because I know what that feels like. I prefer the latter, and once I can find my way back to that state, I will sure as hell be a lot more alert not letting it go again.
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Eszter Tester
1/18/2024 03:20:19 pm
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Eszter BorosI am a Personal Trainer and Fitness Coach with personal experience in body transformation. Archives
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